Don't Pull That Trigger

  

I’m not enough and I know better than you do. Those were my emotional triggers I noticed the past few weeks. When you pay attention to what has you reacting, eventually you see the base of the emotional reaction. One of the things I reacted to in early September hit on both those root causes.  

What I find rather interesting is that they appear to be opposite ends of a pendulum swing.

Each time I find myself reacting emotionally to words, circumstance or a new piece of information, underlying it is either righteous indignation or a vulnerable little girl.

The trigger that hit them both this month was the argument that “Fat people are lazy and make bad food choices.” I’m struggling with my weight right now in a way I’ve never had to before. So my vulnerable little girl who takes everything personally and cowers in a dark corner reacted to that with my own guilt whip.

 

Also, I know that science has shown that the obesity epidemic stems from a complex change in the way humans live and eat in addition to certain chemicals we’ve introduced to the environment that are changing the way our bodies react to food and emotional stressors. They call them gender benders; which I find interesting when I react with righteous indignation and imagine myself as a warrior with sword of truth held high.

So I know some things that make me angry and I want to lash out at ignorance, but that is arrogant, foolish, and attached. None of which is helpful to anyone. It is not my place to change others. Besides, I’ve heard that, “A little knowledge is a dangerous thing.”

Then there’s that little girl that cowers every time she imagines a slight and takes it oh so personally. She’s a real drain on my energy and makes me do or say ridiculous things. 

Beside which, I’m 53 for crying out loud! This little girl needs to relax and smile more often. Let things roll of her back more or simply take words and circumstances at face value instead of ballooning them into “I’m not good enough.”

Life will always be full of triggers. I will always carry a little girl and an earth warrior inside along with the rest of the crew. The trick is to also carry that deep, still well that emanates calm and keep the dipper handy.