Hanging On

It seems the more I try to let go, the more I notice how many things I hold onto as part of who I am. I keep hearing in my head that phrase, “Wherever you go, there you are.”
I travelled around 6,000km, plopped myself down in a foreign city and found I had ALL my baggage with me. There I went and there I was.

 

 

One of my bags contains the belief that I don’t like cities. I grew up in the suburbs of a rather large city – Montreal. I remember standing on the corner of a street in Jasper, Alberta while the local hospital tended my aunt’s ankle. She had sprained it the night before in the woods. We were on a cross-country holiday trip and I was about 16.
I looked around, took some deep breaths and thought, “I want to live here!” It took a few years, but I did move to Jasper and stayed for about 12 years. Now, I’ve also spent 13 years living in a small rural community in southern Alberta. So, I know it’s not just a small community I want, it’s also a community surrounded by wild forests and mountains.
 In Mexico, once we left the city and started travelling, I began to relax. So although Merida is a wonderful city worth experiencing, I can’t see spending that much time there again in the future. I highly recommend it to anyone that does like city life, but it’s not for me.
The flamingo reserve at Celestun was amazing and I’m so grateful to the Mexican people for protecting that biosphere. The birds were amazing and in such numbers! 26,000 flamingos, thousands of pelicans, hundreds of egrets and probably more birds than I know exist thriving in the preserve created there. Definitely worth the trip there and if I can find a hotel there someday, I might go spend a few days and see how much you can explore there. That was a day I gleefully hugged my “I love nature,” baggage.

On the road between and Valladolid & Tulum.

Our favourite city was Valladolid. A local told us the population is about 60,000; which seems amazing because we walked from one side to the other. It’s also in the heart of the Mayan ruin sites and cenotes. I think, with a car, anyone could keep themselves amused for at least a week if they enjoy visiting multiple historical sites and swimming holes. There’s a cenote right in Valladolid.

Courtyard at Hotel Maison El Meson Del Marques, Valladolid

I also loved bouncing in the waves at Tulum. I suspect those waves are available all along the Caribbean coast and they are wonderful. The water is warm, the waves large enough to lift you and gently push/pull your body through the salty fluid. It is completely non-threatening, refreshing and beautiful as a classic Caribbean seascape. In those waves, it is possible to forget life on land.

Tulum ruins

Finally we landed on Isla Mujeres – the tiny spit of land off Cancun. That was my third trip to the island and the same hotel. The Roca Mar perches over the Caribbean Sea with nothing between you and the waves but the sea wall. Sitting on the balcony of our room, a person can become mesmerized watching the waves. Each wave becomes transparent aquamarine and magnifies the ocean floor just before it curls over and becomes white foam as it rolls against the rocks. Sometimes 2 waves rush toward the shore at opposite angles and where they meet as crests splash foam high above themselves as though they clapped with water between them.
This is where I found my baggage that won’t allow me to sit still for very long regardless of the view. It was possible for me to sit there, become mesmerized by the sights and sounds for oh… about 5 minutes. I can sit for hours and read, write or watch video, but not waves. The waves draw me in and then my mind goes off on tangents. By the time I realize I’m somewhere else, there is no way to know how much time has passed.

I’m reminding myself that it’s just over 2 months since I broke away from my former life. I can see that taking myself out of familiar surroundings and daily tasks allows me to see my component parts.

There are parts that I hold to very tenaciously as Part of Who I Am and pieces that appear to be fragments from times I’ve been shattered. There are pillars of competency, holes in my knowledge and locks that need breaking. I catch glimpses through windows to my soul and face dark corners that need illuminating. I’m looking for brightly coloured doors to open.
My camera and I arrived in Calgary on the same day and now we just have to get ready for Thailand & Cambodia. We have 2 weeks.

My Take on Environmentalism

I was probably about 10 years old the first time I recall hearing about environmentalism. I heard about it through watching the news with my dad who was lecturing the TV anchor man about news that’s fit to broadcast. “Don’t give those hoodlums the spotlight they want you fool!”
The news item was about Greenpeace, its boat and saving whales. I had been listening and cheering for Greenpeace, so was quite surprised at my dad’s reaction.
He then turned to me with his intensity and hollered something about idiots and minding their own business.

Island rocks Isla Mujeres, Mexico (taken with Matt's camera)

That was my first introduction to how little people want to hear about human impacts on ecological systems that may be over the limits of ecology’s ability to recover. It was also 40 years ago. Since then, I’ve wandered through my life aware of the polarized views humans seem to have when it comes to nature. As I said in my last entry, we tend to love it to death. We also tend to refuse to acknowledge both its power and its fragility. This is why people die every year in avalanches and ecosystems are collapsing around us.
Two quests seem to be behind both these phenomena – mastery of all that is and finding a way to make life easier.

Termite nest in mangrove forest

Since the invention of agriculture to the 21^st century, humans changed the planet that struggles to support us. Generations of people travelled the world for various reasons and changed places to suit their needs as much as possible. Whether we’re talking about missionaries, explorers, exploiters or folks, each landed in a new place and tried to make it like home.
In the process, we have misjudged natural carrying capacity, climatological reactions to technology & imported practices and long-term impacts of invasive species.
We have sculpted, introduced and extirpated species and landscapes. We have created a need for pockets of life we call parks and tend to live in pockets of desolation we call urban landscapes.
We upset the natural balance and then make efforts to eradicate the only species that can co-habit with us because they become pests.
Is the insanity of this not clear?

The other insanity we seem to hold dear is the desire to fix blame rather than the problem. We have a problem. Admitting we have a problem is step one.
I personally have come to the conclusion that no one set out to cause an environmental problem. Although it can be easy and even a little gratifying to lay blame on big business or oil companies, the truth is that we are all to blame if blame is what we’re after.
If solutions are what we want, then we are also all responsible for those.
We no longer live within the same ecological system I was born into 50 years ago. Each human generation leaves a mark on its landscape. There was a time in Earth’s history when regions recovered from human impacts, but there’s too many of us now and, in some cases, we’ve changed things too much.
We can continue to affix blame, tell ourselves it’s not our fault personally and ignore the severity of the problems facing our children and grandchildren or we can suck it up, get with the program, accept personal responsibility and work toward solutions.
We know an awful lot about what we have to do to live sustainably and offer cohabitation room for other species. What we don’t know is how to get people to acknowledge, to cooperate and to change.  
Focus people. Focus on what you can do, vote for, suggest and support to reduce the impact of your life on the ecosystem you share with many others.

Or leave the problem for the younger generation to figure out. They are only too aware what they face.

Final Days in Mexico

These are my final days in Mexico. We spent a week with a car and travelled from Merida to Celestun, Progresso, Valladolid, Tulum and Isla Mujeres via Cancun.

Dzibilchaltun temple north of Merida

Isla Mujeres is a bit like coming home for me because this is my 3^rd trip here to the same hotel. The hotel has changed along with the island since 2004.
Perhaps it’s the recent reading of Collapse, but I see what humans do to a landscape we admire. We alter it beyond all recognition. We use it and use it up.
In Celestun and Progresso, the population is beginning to cash in on tourism. There is construction everywhere as hotels and restaurants race to open for tourist dollars. In Tulum, the rich already own most of the beach and are working on the town now. If the municipality isn’t careful, there will be no access to the beach for the common folk. That would be a huge loss because never before have I swam, floated and bounced in waves as lovely as at Tulum.
I sure wish we could inhabit places in a more sustainable and less intrusive manner. With every case of environmental impact I see here has a parallel in Canada. Just in case Canadians, or any other nationality that may read my words, might think they are above the Mexicans in some way, you’re not.
All over the world, humans create irreversible impacts on the most beautiful landscapes they find. We are crazy that way. We love places to death.

One more rant piece - OMG we need to outlaw plastic TODAY! Even if we hired millions of people all over the world to work 12-hour shifts, 7 days a week to clean our coastlines and we would still need more labourers working to clean up the plastic and human debris on the world’s beaches. Shame on us.

The beach at Progresso. Each item you see glittering in the rays of the sunset is a piece of plastic.

Back in Tulum, I lost my camera. So, photos are limited for the rest of the trip. However, the owners of the Tulum hotel Posada 06 found my camera after we left and are diligently working to reunite us through email and DHL. I expect my camera and I to be together again shortly after I get back to Calgary.

After our time in Mexico, I also wonder why our media and, I think our government, paint Mexico with such a harsh brush. We have met only wonderfully friendly, exceptionally helpful people in our travels.

Dzibilchaltun Cenote

And for safety, there are police and military people everywhere including at check stops on all the highways we travelled.
Here is a story to illustrate Mexican’s relationship to police. We were having dinner in Progresso. The restaurant had glass walls overlooking the beach. It wasn’t the nicest evening with a little rain, a lot of wind and cool temperatures (for Mexico).  A pickup truck stopped in front of the window in a no parking zone. Three young men got out, bought something from a street vendor and proceeded to hang out. They were not causing any kind of disturbance, but they were parked illegally.
After about 10 minutes, a police officer approached on a bicycle. As soon as he came in sight, the young men started heading for the truck. All signs of young guys out to be seen went out the window and it was pure business of getting into the truck and leaving.
The police officer stopped by the tailgate of the truck and watched as the 3 guys got into the truck, fastened seatbelts, signalled appropriately and pulled away slowly to drive off down the street.
The officer then put his helmet back on his head and returned to his rounds. He hadn’t even spoken to those boys. There was no backtalk, no wasting time, no squealing of tires.
I did not see huge fear in the faces of those young men. Not like you would expect if they feared brutality. I saw an admission of guilt, recognition of authority and a clear sense of what they needed to do to avoid any repercussions.

I will admit that I’m a foreigner. Everything here I see, I see through Canadian eyes, raised with Canadian values, expectations and experiences. I may be completely wrong. All I can say is that that exchange was entirely civil and every exchange we had or witnessed with the police was too.

They are everywhere in the Yucatan. They smile at you when you smile at them and say, “Buenos Dias.” I saw them direct traffic, answer tourist questions, invite us into government buildings, wave us through check stops and smile at us from posts in parks or on street corners.
I will admit it’s freaky to see men armed with machine guns standing guard when you get off the ferry, but maybe it’s all what you’re accustomed to seeing.  
We still have 3 full days to relax on this little island paradise doing our part to alter a beautiful place. I love it to death.

Ocean

Celestun, Mexico on the Gulf of Mexico

When the waves get high and I feel them slap my face

I turn my back and look toward the unwavering land

Sitting there, forever bordering the sea

Unmovable; unmoved

And know that I can float on which ever wave I choose

 
(26 seconds of wind and waves video by me!)

For as long as I choose                   

Before my feet tread once more

More 1,000-word Images

Celestun, Mexico Special Biosphere Reserve
We went for a boat ride and saw 26,000 flamingos.

Pelican breeding island

 Then, into the Mangrove forest

Egret

Don't know, but pretty eh?

Enjoy, I gotta run.

Next time, photos from Dzibilchaltun

One For My Aggie Writing Friends

This sure looks like a high through-put grain elevator and it’s located on the edge of downtown Merida. If you Google Map Merida, Mexico, you find a rectangle in the center of the city (called Centro – go figure) bordered by Calle 60 on one side and Calle 50 on the other. At the corner of Calle 50 and Calle 43, just northeast of Centro is this grain elevator.

Across the street on Calle 43 is this building.

Bimbo is one of Mexico’s largest commercial bakeries. Someone had their head on straight the day they located whichever of these came second eh?

And while we’re on the topic… Ha, Ha, Bimbo bread. LOL, LOL, LOL I just love the name of this company. Lee Hart should get a kick out of that one eh Lee?

There are Bimbo trucks all over the city. Makes me giggle every time I see one. If I spoke enough Spanish I might contact them and suggest they hire a bunch of blondes to drive the trucks.

Calm down now, it’s just a little fun we’re having here – right Janet? This is one of the things that make travelling fun. Who knows what Spanish speaking folk think of the word Vachon.

A Taste of Life in Merida

Life in Merida, Mexico is different than life in Alberta. It’s not better or worse; it’s just different.

I think Canadians tend to think of Mexico through the eyes of either vacation advertising or sensationalized news reports. Both those sources tell only a tiny piece about Mexico and not even the most interesting parts.

Close your eyes and think about Mexico – white sandy beaches, turquoise water, palm trees, pina coladas and big smiles all round. Yes, you can do that and millions do, but I wanted to see more than the post card.

When this trip started, I thought Mexico might be somewhere I could live. Now, I’m not so sure. First of all, I would need someone to support me because I can’t function in the heat. This is not so much an issue in Canada where we rarely have this kind of heat in the summer and this is winter here. I imagine that, if you live you here full time, your body adjusts. I’m not sure mine would but I know people who don’t mind the heat. I find it debilitating. I can’t imagine summer here.

Corner lot for sale. I think it's my lodge!

Matt and I have been in a city for the past month, so maybe if we were in a small town on the coast, the temperature would be moderated by a breeze off the water. Maybe I should try that next year J … or next week!

I’ve already talked about sidewalks around here, so I’ll move on to the huge difference between the way Canadians build their houses and the houses in Centro Merida. Canadians do mark off their territory with fences and hedges, but here they build solid concrete walls 10-20 feet high. Then, it appears, they build rooms attached to the outside walls in various configurations within the compound. It also appears as though the most common configuration is room, behind room, behind room to the open space at the back.

No you're not drunk. Just standing on a Mexican sidewalk.

One of the things this seems to allow is turning that front room or 2 into a business or even just opening the front doors to sell whatever you have to sell today.  People use garage doors here not only for garages, but also for the front wall of their business/home. At the end of the day, they close the garage door and bingo! shop closed. This would not work so well in Calgary where the door would be closed most of the year. Here, it’s possible to open it every day.

The other predominant feature is the metal work and huge front doors. In a climate where keeping in the heat is not an issue, it appears that windows didn’t really catch on as a portal to the outside when closed. The metal work usually fronts wooden doors and windows so you see openings behind the metal work. In some respects, this makes the city look as though it’s a dangerous place to us Canucks because metal bars on the windows are crime deterrents.  I’ve come to appreciate that for Merida residents there is a cultural reason why they use metal work just as there is a cultural reason they build compounds. I don’t know what that is, but having stayed here, I can tell that this is a safe and friendly city.

Check out those curves! People here are not that tall. Why are the doors all 15 feet?

Of course the effect on the street is narrow pavement roads, sidewalks and canyons of concrete. These of course are heat sinks during the day and well into the evening. They also trap noise. Have you ever driven through a tunnel with the windows open on the car? Like that.

Oh, yes - Mexicans also seem to enjoy noise more than Canadians. They make noise all the time with fire crackers, especially at Christmas and New Year (Holy Jumpin’), car horns, wandering bands and even the cats and dogs make a lot of noise compared to my Canadian experience. Yes, I’ve lived too close to noisy dogs in Canada, but they seem the exception rather than the rule.

Also heard in the streets during the day is the music of vendors. Many have noise makers such as horns, whistles and bells, but there is one guy on this street that sings out Tor-teee-as as he comes along the street.

Video by Matt

So in spite of the tunnel-like streetscape there is street life livelier than most days in Calgary even in the summer. In the evenings, lots of people sit out on the sidewalks in front of their homes and everyone mutters Buenos Notches in passing. Of course there are lots of outdoor restaurants and cafes and parks full of people too. There are definitely more parks in Merida than in Calgary, but we haven’t come across anything the size of Nose Hill and, of course, there’s no river. Although in Valladolid there is a cenote right downtown and that has a park, market place and restaurant around it at ground level and public access through a staircase bored into the surrounding rock.

It means that while we are out and about for a simple activity such as grocery shopping, we see things we’ve never seen before. Some of these things may happen in Canada and I just haven’t seen them and some, I’m pretty sure are not found in Canada.

You just can't keep a good jungle down!

One night we passed a shop that sells picture frames. It looked like a picture framing shop with all the samples hanging on the walls. What was different was the small card table off to one side selling butchered chickens (as in not alive with feathers). I don’t think Canadian laws allow for selling chickens off a card table in your picture framing shop. Too bad for us because it appears to be a butchered while you wait operation and that would be fresher chicken than most Canadians have ever eaten.

Mary watching over the street. This is not Christmas. This is the ever present Christianity of Mexico.

One of the very first observations Matt and I made here was how free we aren’t in Canada due to regulation and red tape. It becomes blindingly obvious when you come here how much we’re not allowed to do in Canada. Yes, I know a lot of regulation is there to protect us, but we are now being protected from life and ourselves to a degree that may not be healthy.

I’m going to stop writing now because this is getting too long and I have raindrops showing up on the monitor!

I like the little curlicues on the bottom.

2012 - My World Already Ended - I'm Ahead of the Game!

This is a paragraph out of this month’s Power Path Monthly Forecast. It is exactly what I’ve been thinking about for the past few days.

“Artisans are also good at thinking outside the box. When something in your life becomes destabilized, rather than trying to recreate the same thing according to your comfort level, stretch your imagination a bit and ask for the artisan in you to be a bit more creative than you have been in the past.

Ant hill or pig's nose?

Don't be afraid to ask for a bigger dream. This is sometimes difficult when you are in the throes of your instinctive center being wide-open and causing reactions of anxiety and feelings of instability. The automatic reaction is often to try and stabilize as quickly as possible by going back to what you know is safe and stable. In order to take full advantage of the opportunities this month you will need to work proactively and be disciplined about allowing yourself to be destabilized for as long as it takes to move through the rip and take a look at what awaits you on the other side.”

It is hard to look forward and not see a path, but instead see many paths and feel the need to pick one instead of standing there staring at them all like a deer in the headlights. I still allow others to make me act before I’m ready and it doesn’t foster choices made from my heart. It doesn’t even foster good choices or choices that make everyone happy.

I should at least be making choices that make me happy and I think I’m learning to do that much. FYI - my favorite poem is The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost.

However, I’m also fighting the urge to allow social norms to dictate what I do next with my life. Social Norms, you ask? Yeah, think about what you would expect a 53-year-old, grey-haired, pudgy little Canadian woman to do with her life and you’ll see what social norms exist in your mind.

But I didn’t tear apart my life just to put it back together as it was before or in a way that anyone but me dictates. Any life that causes a heart attack at 50 needs changing. Some elements of that life are worth keeping, but some fundamental changes need to take place.

I find myself thinking about the physical and mental health benefits of being a waitress. Yes, a waitress… in a busy dinner where it’s all very casual, some customers are regulars and people are friendly. That’s exercise and positive social interactions built into your job rather than sitting alone in front of a computer.

I think about a café, I think about a small lodge, I think about a year at the ashram, I think about moving to Kelowna, I think about moving to Langley or Coquitlam and I think about going back to Calgary and the career I built over the most recent past.

One of the greatest lessons from my heart attack was that regardless of how secure you think you’ve made your life - through sound financial planning (aaand crash); careful attitudes toward physical risk; attention to diet, substance abuse (coffee anyone?) and exercise and development of professional expertise – it only takes one destabilizing event to blow your house of cards to bits. If you survive, it is completely and totally up to you what the rest of your life becomes and the most valuable assets in your portfolio are the people who love and respect you. They are the foundation for the new house of cards.

My brother and travelling campanion keeping things light!

A recent reading of cards reminded me that while all things are possible, not all things are wise choices for me. While I want to respect my support network and do what I can to make them happy, what I ultimately end up doing in the coming months and years has to be what MY heart desires.  After all, my heart spoke of its displeasure with my circumstances back in ‘09 and I’d prefer to keep it happy for at least another 20 years.