2012 - My World Already Ended - I'm Ahead of the Game!

This is a paragraph out of this month’s Power Path Monthly Forecast. It is exactly what I’ve been thinking about for the past few days.

“Artisans are also good at thinking outside the box. When something in your life becomes destabilized, rather than trying to recreate the same thing according to your comfort level, stretch your imagination a bit and ask for the artisan in you to be a bit more creative than you have been in the past.

Ant hill or pig's nose?

Don't be afraid to ask for a bigger dream. This is sometimes difficult when you are in the throes of your instinctive center being wide-open and causing reactions of anxiety and feelings of instability. The automatic reaction is often to try and stabilize as quickly as possible by going back to what you know is safe and stable. In order to take full advantage of the opportunities this month you will need to work proactively and be disciplined about allowing yourself to be destabilized for as long as it takes to move through the rip and take a look at what awaits you on the other side.”

It is hard to look forward and not see a path, but instead see many paths and feel the need to pick one instead of standing there staring at them all like a deer in the headlights. I still allow others to make me act before I’m ready and it doesn’t foster choices made from my heart. It doesn’t even foster good choices or choices that make everyone happy.

I should at least be making choices that make me happy and I think I’m learning to do that much. FYI - my favorite poem is The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost.

However, I’m also fighting the urge to allow social norms to dictate what I do next with my life. Social Norms, you ask? Yeah, think about what you would expect a 53-year-old, grey-haired, pudgy little Canadian woman to do with her life and you’ll see what social norms exist in your mind.

But I didn’t tear apart my life just to put it back together as it was before or in a way that anyone but me dictates. Any life that causes a heart attack at 50 needs changing. Some elements of that life are worth keeping, but some fundamental changes need to take place.

I find myself thinking about the physical and mental health benefits of being a waitress. Yes, a waitress… in a busy dinner where it’s all very casual, some customers are regulars and people are friendly. That’s exercise and positive social interactions built into your job rather than sitting alone in front of a computer.

I think about a café, I think about a small lodge, I think about a year at the ashram, I think about moving to Kelowna, I think about moving to Langley or Coquitlam and I think about going back to Calgary and the career I built over the most recent past.

One of the greatest lessons from my heart attack was that regardless of how secure you think you’ve made your life - through sound financial planning (aaand crash); careful attitudes toward physical risk; attention to diet, substance abuse (coffee anyone?) and exercise and development of professional expertise – it only takes one destabilizing event to blow your house of cards to bits. If you survive, it is completely and totally up to you what the rest of your life becomes and the most valuable assets in your portfolio are the people who love and respect you. They are the foundation for the new house of cards.

My brother and travelling campanion keeping things light!

A recent reading of cards reminded me that while all things are possible, not all things are wise choices for me. While I want to respect my support network and do what I can to make them happy, what I ultimately end up doing in the coming months and years has to be what MY heart desires.  After all, my heart spoke of its displeasure with my circumstances back in ‘09 and I’d prefer to keep it happy for at least another 20 years.