This day in Calgary

Let’s start on a humorous note shall we?

I often refer to my cat as Little Buddy. He’s my little buddy that loves me unconditionally, purrs my heart each night and keeps me company by day. Also, I love cheese.

So today when I saw a sign advertising a burger called Little Buddy with Cheese, it just kind of stuck. 

Now Jack is my Little Buddy with Cheese because the only thing that could make Jack more loveable would be if kissing his little head left the taste of Havarti on my lips.

 

This week I’m learning a lesson. I can’t see what that lesson is yet, but judging by the shit it’s disturbing for me, it must be a doosie… Okay, I’ve never spelled doosie before.

Anyway, at this point even my observer is confused.

Interestingly, the very challenge I’m struggling with I’m trained to and have facilitated other people working through. 

So I find it interesting that I am not blind to the situation, but also not immune to its affect while immersed in chaos. 

I’ve heard it said that attitude is everything and I will vouch for the fact that knowing I am embroiled in situation that is fairly common in our society helps. Having some professional training in how to deal with it is good too, but mostly the maturity and personal clarity I’ve gained over the past year or so is hugely beneficial.

 

To have the ability to know, beyond doubt, that this too shall pass enables me to persevere. Remembering that things of value take work, time and patience allows me to breathe. Practicing an almost impossible chant focuses my mind away from the stress inducing BS currently in my vicinity and pounding my drum vibrates my soul into a still pool.

 

Thank you Universe for providing me with the tools to thrive through difficult circumstances and maybe move from Good to Great (a book I’m reading that you would probably enjoy).

Don't Pull That Trigger

  

I’m not enough and I know better than you do. Those were my emotional triggers I noticed the past few weeks. When you pay attention to what has you reacting, eventually you see the base of the emotional reaction. One of the things I reacted to in early September hit on both those root causes.  

What I find rather interesting is that they appear to be opposite ends of a pendulum swing.

Each time I find myself reacting emotionally to words, circumstance or a new piece of information, underlying it is either righteous indignation or a vulnerable little girl.

The trigger that hit them both this month was the argument that “Fat people are lazy and make bad food choices.” I’m struggling with my weight right now in a way I’ve never had to before. So my vulnerable little girl who takes everything personally and cowers in a dark corner reacted to that with my own guilt whip.

 

Also, I know that science has shown that the obesity epidemic stems from a complex change in the way humans live and eat in addition to certain chemicals we’ve introduced to the environment that are changing the way our bodies react to food and emotional stressors. They call them gender benders; which I find interesting when I react with righteous indignation and imagine myself as a warrior with sword of truth held high.

So I know some things that make me angry and I want to lash out at ignorance, but that is arrogant, foolish, and attached. None of which is helpful to anyone. It is not my place to change others. Besides, I’ve heard that, “A little knowledge is a dangerous thing.”

Then there’s that little girl that cowers every time she imagines a slight and takes it oh so personally. She’s a real drain on my energy and makes me do or say ridiculous things. 

Beside which, I’m 53 for crying out loud! This little girl needs to relax and smile more often. Let things roll of her back more or simply take words and circumstances at face value instead of ballooning them into “I’m not good enough.”

Life will always be full of triggers. I will always carry a little girl and an earth warrior inside along with the rest of the crew. The trick is to also carry that deep, still well that emanates calm and keep the dipper handy.

Not Completely in Charge

This is one of those times in my life where I find myself a little in awe at where I’ve landed.

Lately, I’ve heard myself telling long time friends and family, “I really can’t find anything to complain about. In fact, life couldn’t be more perfect.”

There have been a couple of times in my life where this has happened and I find myself thinking about the pieces it takes to create a set of life circumstances.

I remember standing on my south-facing patio in Rockyford with my brother. We had a fire going in the fire pit and brilliant sunshine all around us. We were completely sheltered from the wind and really enjoying coffee and conversation on a lazy afternoon… in February.

A sense of contentment filled me that stemmed from being exactly where I wanted to be and having arrived without conscious effort.

Then I realized that all my life I had wondered how people manage to live in little villages all over Canada. What do they do to make a living? How do they find these little villages and make a place for themselves?

I remembered hearing of the Computer Cottage in my teens and thinking, “That’s what I want; a job that can take place from a home in the country.” 

There were other thoughts over the years; other pieces of the puzzle and over time they added up to my life in Rockyford.

Life being what it is though, the realization of a dream is the beginning of a new dream.

 The dream I am piecing together right now has elements that go back to when I was 16 and elements that are born of life in Rockyford.

What is common to this circumstance and the others is the feeling of life falling into place without my conscious effort. That some force other than me navigated to this sunny shore. Somehow, opportunities arose, circumstances aligned and voila – you are here.

Forget-me-nots : )

What I have today, is an understanding that dreams never die. They shift, change location, mess with the timeline and reform in an almost unrecognizable guise but if you look closely, you find the dream you never really let go. Life is sweet!

Toe in the Pool

Angkor Wat main temple, Cambodia

"In times of great change, it is important to dance through dynamic developments with one eye on your guiding light and steady thoughts of realistic expectation."

When I wrote those words, I was in the midst of a contract negotiation for something I really wanted to do. But I also remained very cognizant through the process that I can no longer compromise, accept conditions or cajole myself into agreeing with anything just to get something.

I am very glad now that I have learned to separate my mind from my emotions at least once a day. That I am mindful enough to notice when my body is telling me that my emotions and thoughts are creating stress. That I remembered to breathe.

Egret, Celestun, Mexico

I find myself in the same place I was last fall when I pulled the plug. It seems putting the plug back in is just as hectic. Maybe even more so because there are key components out of your hands.

My mind organized resettling in these steps – find a job, get approved for a mortgage, find a home, move in and get my stuff out of storage, realize I sold my life last fall and GO SHOPPING!

I can’t wait until I get to that last step! I’m looking forward to creating a nest this fall and curling up in it with Jack the cat. I’m looking forward to visits from friends, dinners with family and satisfying work. It’s just possible I landed the perfect job for me.

I’m thankful to be finished step one. The job hunting experience is a very demanding and unsettling exercise. There doesn’t appear to be a standard procedure and employers are totally rude in this process. It amazed me that ignoring people has become part of acceptable practice through the hiring process.

I expected companies that didn’t want to interview me to ignore me. I did not expect people who interviewed me to then behave as though I no longer exist. Does courtesy not extend to a rejection email? I find it unlikely that these organizations interviewed double-digit numbers and simply don’t have time to let everyone know, “It’s not you.”

Goose in Richmond, BC or me
living on the sidewalk becasue I can't get a mortgage.

Now it’s “Can I have a mortgage please?” Sheesh! I must say it’s hard to put that out there without a little trepidation. “Could you please throw some chains around my neck and make me work like a dog to keep you happy? Mr. Bankman please?” Hmm hearing Woody Guthrie in my head.

Shopping for a house is a different matter. I’m looking forward to seeing different houses in different neighborhoods. It might take some time, but I’ll find something eventually. Looking on line is fun, but here’s some tips for anyone thinking about selling a house.

Path by Bow River, Calgary, AB

Paint those rooms you decided to do in bruise purple, bloodshot eye pink and hold your breath blue. Put some friggen legs on the beds eh? Pick up the junk off the floor before you take photos to post on MLS listings. I don’t care how pretty your dining room table looks with fresh flowers on it, I’m not buying the table and you forgot to step back far enough for me to see the room.

So, new phase to my adventure. Here’s hoping I can find Jack and me a cozy little home to settle into for the winter. I expect visitors!

Rivers of Rain

It’s a rainy June in Calgary. For many years, I lived out in Rockyford counting my blessings that I wasn’t living under the rain cloud that settles over Calgary most Junes.

Now here I am living in it and I find it fascinating. Perhaps all those years of living in a place where rain is odd has given me a new perspective on it.

Now when it rains hard, I go watch. Last night I actually got out of bed and went to stand outside and just watch and listen.

I find my mind flying off on flights of fancy listening to the rain and watching it run downhill in tiny white capped rivers along the curbs. I imagine the sight of the Bow River as it swells within its banks and say a silent prayer for people living too close to find the rising water fascinating.

I think about the ducklings I photographed last week and hope they are out of harm’s way. Rivers are very powerful and, at the moment, the Bow is raging like teenage hormones. You can get in the way if you like, but I’ll just wait until it calms down before I get too close again.

One slip and a person would become a statistic.

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Community Challenged

There is an age old debate in our society about wealth sharing that goes something like this.

One side: I worked hard for what I have and see no reason to share with someone who has not worked as hard and therefore doesn’t have as much wealth as I do. *This side doesn’t talk much about inherited riches.

Another side: There are people within our society that, through no fault of their own, have not had the opportunity to get rich. (Read Outliers by Malcolm Galdwell)  In the spirit of community caring, we offer to take care of these folks.

Kayak community enjoying the Bow River together.

Down through time, humans survived by building and caring for a community. We do this for the selfish reason that it is necessary for our own survival. For millennia, shunning was a death sentence.

Imagine a caveman hunter that excels in bringing home the kill. He is loved and looked up to in his community. He is valuable and everyone knows it. Then one day on the hunt, he gets injured and cannot hunt for a time or for all time. He and the community survive because he is only the best hunter, not the only hunter and immediately there is a new best hunter.

I can see everyone nodding at this. Yes, you say, it is right and fair that the community supports the injured hunter. But why is that right and it is not right that the community help others?

Thai women work in community to accomplish a large task.

We humans are terribly fickle. We marginalize members of our society for all kinds of reasons. We create reasons why a person is not worth supporting that range from lack of intelligence to lack of motivation and we make these calls on superficial information and hearsay.

What I believe the majority forget is that the more people we marginalize, the more we limit our community’s ability to thrive. We relegate people to the bottom rungs of society without giving them a chance to climb higher. Ask yourself how often you take the measure of a person just by looking at them.

On the one hand, we expend massive efforts to make sure every baby born lives to fulfill its human potential. Then we pull away when that potential shows itself to be a need for life-long assistance. Now this individual is not a baby that deserves our money, time, hope and faith, but an adult that doesn’t cut the mustard in our dog eat dog society and should be cut off to fend for itself. We throw tax dollars into social programs like coins into a fountain wishing that the pennies would turn into riches.

Cambodian men gather on the river bank.

Well, no that’s not right you say. We don’t do that. Umm, yes we do; all the time.

Even children born hale and hearty only get our support for so long. We have normalized abandoning our our children if they don’t conform to a certain life path by set deadlines.
Not going to finish high school? Get out, get a job and learn what life is really like. Going to university? Okay, we’ll pay for that if we can, but then you have to get out, get a job and learn what life is really like.

A different, but equally vital community.

So, finish high school, go to university, get a job, get married, have kids, save for retirement, retire and die. That is the path, there is no other. Oh, don’t forget to follow your passion somewhere in there.
Whew! Almost forgot the passion part.

We put limits on what a person can do/be by creating boxes to tick, papers to get and ways to fit in. Then we don’t acknowledge how this challenges the community’s ability to thrive.

Yet, our history is ripe with examples of people who ditched the boxes, ignored the papers, didn’t fit in and were the greatest minds of their time. These are the people that moved our society forward in leaps while all the paper-holding,  box –tickers plodded along barely noticing the changes taking place around them until they became the marginalized by some new world order.

It is irrational this society we’ve created where the best hunter (aka rich guy) refuses to share with his community because they didn’t work as hard as he did. We have become selfish, short-sighted Lone Wolves. No wonder we go nuts during full moons (yes, that’s documented). We need to howl in hopes of hearing another Lone Wolf and thereby feeling community. Because we are pack animals. Lone wolves mostly starve.

In case you haven’t heard, it takes a whole community to raise a child. I would add that it takes a whole community to allow each member to thrive and it takes each member thriving to make a whole community.

― Malcolm Gladwell, Outliers: The Story of Success

“It is those who are successful, in other words, who are most likely to be given the kinds of special opportunities that lead to further success. It’s the rich who get the biggest tax breaks. It’s the best students who get the best teaching and most attention. And it’s the biggest nine- and ten-year-olds who get the most (hockey) coaching and practice. Success is the result of what sociologists like to call “accumulative advantage.”

Yet another kind of vital community.

Although things can be hard....