Fear Jerk Reaction

Yesterday, I took a walk to the mall with my sister. We had two objectives: walk and eat. Simple plan with two worthy goals.

While sitting in the food court eating lunch, a woman approached from behind me and asked us for money “to get something to eat.” 

I looked up at a tall, drunk woman swaying beside our table and an even larger intoxicated male standing close.

Warning: not proud of my reaction. My world immediately closed down to about eight inches square of tabletop. I was very aware of my action and a little curious about why I
reacted the way I did.

Oh look! Fear my old friend. 

These people were large and I don’t mean fat. They were also drunk; which has never really worked well for me. I find drunks dangerous. They have injured me in the past due to their lack of physical and mental control. I could tell you stories, but not relevant to this one so much.

This fear was about looking in the face of a big, drunk person begging in a food court and offering them lunch instead of money thereby provoking a scene of drunken anger.  

Devil's Club

So, my sister sent them away - as did several other people in the vicinity. They then had an angry exchange between themselves that included swearing and throwing things on the floor. Finally, they settled at a table a comfortable distance from us.

My sister and I had a conversation about how difficult it is to show compassion toward others when confronted unexpectedly by large, drunk people. We talked about our belief that people in poverty need help and about how people with debilitating addictions need help.

I felt guilt that I had not helped these people in need and I was a little ashamed of letting my fear overtake me and keep me from having an exchange with these folks.

As we finished our lunch, we decided we would buy them a sandwich. It was a compromise, I know, but I figured, if they were truly hungry, they would welcome it. I placed a foot-long sub on the table between them and said, “This is lunch from my sister and I.”

The guy gave it a little shove of dismissal and wrinkled his nose and neither of them said anything. I just walked away.

The challenge I have with giving money to someone who is drunk is the immediate assumption that what they really want is money for booze. I think the lie offends me. It implies I’m too stupid to know what they really want.

I know addiction. I’ve seen it in others and felt it in myself. I smoked for many years and don’t even think about asking me to go without my morning coffee. I’m just lucky my addictions don’t stand in my way of functioning in society – although it might be approaching that for smokers.

There is no way I would give a drunken panhandler $7; which is what we spent on the sandwich. I do not want to be the person that turns a blind eye to the suffering of my fellow man, but I’m not fond of supporting damaging addictions. The fact is giving one alcoholic a Toonie at the food court does not address any solution.

What bothers me today is that I feel that I acted as a coward. I did not stand in my power and offer them the understanding, compassion and respect I prefer to offer people I encounter. I did not look them in the eye or even acknowledge their existence.

  

This encounter showed me I still have learning to do.

What also bothers me is that this is yet another indication of how our society doesn’t take care of its own. Quote me all the data you want, you won’t convince me that we do a good job of taking care of everyone. We let people slip through the cracks and then we gloss over the real problems.

Community Energy

I’m getting old and crotchety about the inequalities in our society and the lack of compassion we show to those struggling in life. 

 

I believe we can do better.